Robert A. Heinlein wrote:
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
Poignant.
Tags: humanToday was supposed to be a quiet day. Instead..
So yeah. It’s not been great. My head still hurts.
Edit:
Just incase today wasn’t bad enough.. I just bit my lip really badly, blood and everything. Go me!
Tags: blood, headache, leopard, me, osx, phone, rantGenerally speaking i can only remember events if i’ve previously considered them, or spoken about them. Which is awkward since i only have a very small window to perform those actions before i forget all about it.
I remember events like a narrator, i don’t visualise them, i don’t see flashing pictures. The edge of my vision doesn’t go wavy or black and white like it does in the movies. I remember things as if i was told about them. And i was.. i told myself.
I don’t remember dates. I honestly have no idea what day of the year Christmas lies on. I know it’s December, i know it’s in the mid 20’s of the days. Either the 25th or the 26th i believe. After 24 years of life (Okay, the first three don’t count because i wasn’t really self aware, but give me a break) i still have to use logic to work out which day Christmas is.
I only know that much about Christmas because it’s hard to miss. I have no idea when Halloween is, or Easter, or even Pancake day.
When i was in school i couldn’t remember how long classes were, let alone which order mine were in. It was okay in the first few years when you could follow everyone else and be fine, but when everyone’s timetables were different.. I must’ve been the only 17 year old who had to write a cheatsheet to help discern which class he was in next!
What’s the bet that the Google Ads i end up getting on single page view for this end up being about memory improvement treatment or something.
It’s not just events and numbers either. I can’t remember names. Despite my love for Christopher Walken i usually have to refer to him as “uhhh… what’s his name.. looks like a lizard.. he was in Deerhunter! he’s got a superb portrait in that photographers book i have, what’s his name!?”.
“Events” are the big one though. It’s generally safe to say that i don’t remember last week, but sometimes i can’t even recall yesterday. I don’t remember a thing about my early childhood. I don’t remember much about being in school. I don’t really remember getting my degree. But i can still remember the THAC0 rules from Dungeons and Dragons.
For the most part i remember conversations very well. I’m often narcing on friends because they forget things i say. I guess it’s a big deal to me because it’s the one part of my memory that i can rely on. But i think there’s a lot more to it than that.
I remember sound extremely well. Thinking about a song i know will result in the music flowing through my mind like an Mp3. It’s not like listening to music though, it’s a mental operation. It’s like seeing the code and knowing what it means. Confusing, but basically i can just remember the way sound sounds. It’s not something enjoyable really, and it’s no replacement for actually listening to music in any way, but it does lead to a lot of skipping when i have my ipod on. I listen to the first 3 seconds of a song, and i’ve already considered the rest of the track. No surprises left, so i skip it.
Intro -> [skip] -> Intro -> [skip] -> Intro -> [skip] -> Intro -> [skip] -> ad infinitum.
These memory problems don’t really cause me too many problems in life. I don’t remember my past.. i’m sure that probably sounds sucky to you, but i’ve never known any different. It’s just the way life works from my perspective.
The only element that’s ever really caused me problems is remembering birthdays. I can’t do it. The closest i can get is the month, and that’s only for my dad (because i know it’s right after New Year, my most loathed time of year) and for one of my friends whose birthday is a few days before mine. Most of the time it doesn’t matter, i’ll either find out before hand from other people, or i’ll forget and deal with it. But some people (read: some girls) really hate it. I get the whole “you should know!”, why should i know!? What did i do to deserve these presuppositions, apart from being vaguely human?
Give me a break, seriously.
Tags: me, memory
My peers have been urging me to read Enders Game for years, touting it as the Essential Sci-Fi Novel, or proclaiming that it is akin to the bible, but with spaceships. Okay, i made that one up, but yeah - they liked it and they recommended it.
But i didn’t read it. Despite my compulsive and consistent book buying sprees, i’ve struggled to make my way through novels for quite a while. Which is a horrible situation to be in when you grew up ravaging every novel you could find.
It was my birthday some number of months ago, and i was given a book i already owned. So i exchanged it for a couple of others, one being Enders Game (yes, i’m getting back to the point..). So i decided i’d give it a read during the few moments i have sufficient attention span to digest the lovely little words and phrases. Which is generally when i’m on the bus.
I don’t want to review the book, i don’t want to spoil it. But i DO want to talk about the main character - Ender.
Wunderkind Ender is a genius, a trait he shares with his siblings. Unlike his siblings, he’s recruited into the military. It’s made clear to the reader that Ender is exactly what the military is looking for. It’s not so much that we decide it ourselves, more-so that the author tells us with the narration vehicle of staff discussion.
We’re educated with the notion that Ender is a strategic genius, able to lead his fellow students better than anyone ever has. We’re also instantly immediately challenged by the fact that he is nine years old, or thereabouts.
Here’s where my rant begins.
As a generality, i think it’s fair to say that adults have forgotten how it feels to be a child, not to mention the way a child thinks. So writing as a child is challenging to say the least. In the same way as it’s hard for a woman to write as a man, and it’s hard for either to write as an animal. This leads, in my opinion, to the vast majority of child protagonists reading like naive or badly written adults.
In this case, however, we don’t just have a naive adult… We have a naive adult who is better than you. But as the book continues on, you’re left looking for evidence of Enders superiority. Okay so he understands zero gravity, and he’s taught people to bend their legs, sure.. Neither of those are tasks the reader sees as impossibly difficult to achieve. I think i’d do fine in zero gravity, and i think i’d do reasonably well when it comes to tactics in the danger room. So why am i to believe that Ender is such a genius? Is it simply because he can do all these things as such a young age? Well then, surely all the older students are getting great praise too.
I can buy the idea that the reason Ender is so magnificent is that he will get more skilful as he gets older, and therefore has a lot more potential than everyone else. But why does that make me enjoy his character? I’m a comicbook fan, i like my heroes to have obvious and understandable powers. To me Ender was just Hey i’m super smart, well.. for my age, i know it doesn’t impress you much NOW, but it will later!!. Big deal, you’re boring me.
As a contrast, consider the book The Contortionist’s Handbook by Clive Clevenger. The protagonist is explained to the reader as having an excellent grasp on size and perception. He can look at an object and make an accurate assessment of it’s dimensions. He also has a great sense of direction, and can generally tell which direction he’s moving in. These are things i cannot do reliably. I can’t look at a book and tell you its accurate dimensions, or get in a train and realise that it’s moving West. So to me, the character is exceptional.
Ender is not, he’s just confusing. The fact that i was left unconvinced by his “abilities” was made worse by the notion that his siblings were both equally “gifted” (albeit slightly less appropriate)! Three child prodigies in this family you say? Well that’s convenient. If Ender is supposed to be the most gifted child out there, so much so that the possibly successful adult future for Ender is worth more to the military than training older students, then surely his brother and sister would be a lot more desirable than they’re portrayed. Plus their mere existence subtracts from Enders apparent godhood.
I guess what i’m trying to get at is:
This brief rant exists because too many of my friends love Enders Game, and disagree with me, or just don’t want to hear my criticism.
I really enjoyed Enders Game. I have issues with the way it was written, and issues with the concept. But i enjoyed reading it. Okay so there was a part near the end that made me feel like i was shot in the stomach. Reading through the following pages was like bleeding out on the floor. Then there was a little glimmer of hope which was like seeing the ambulance sirens coming, but it ended up being a disappointment much akin to realising that those flashing lights are just streetlights reflected in the dripping blood.
Oh, am i being overdramatic? You’ve not read the book then. I’m not going to give any events away. Which means i can’t justify my opinions. But yeah, i did enjoy the book. I wasn’t happy with Enders concept, so instead i enjoyed his personality. I did the same thing i did to enjoy His Dark Materials, scaled up the characters age a little in my mind to fit the writing style. I enjoyed some of the other characters, and i enjoyed the sci-fi setting.
I definitely recommend it. Don’t let my opinions taint you, because i’m a weirdo.
Tags: novel, review, sci-fi, writingI watched an episode of the superb documentary series Future Weapons last night, which was showcasing some technology from the American Military’s Future Combat Systems program.
The whole series is really just an extension of the Shock and Awe principal, also known as Rapid Dominance (which, by the way, has a lot of parallels with my own personality). Showing technology to the masses is an obvious show of strength, it increases Americans faith in their military and instils fear in the enemy - look how potent our weapons are!!.
Future Combat Systems is the “future of warfare”, basically stocking out the battlefield with “intelligent” systems which can communicate with each other. No reason why the battlefield shouldn’t also enjoy the advent of ubiquitous computing. Gamers especially will be familiar with elements of the FCS program, such as the currently cancelled/suspended Land Warrior concept. Which is basically a soldier jacked into an intelligent battlefield.
As i’ve discussed with some of you in the past, the military actively pursues gamers. Evidenced by the America’s Army video game, and the recruitment of young gamers as pilots. Young people who already manifest some of the basic skills and training necessary. Who clearly demonstrate the ambition and interest. But that’s really a given, i’m interested in a slight aside.
I read an article some time ago about the development of an automated weapon system. When soldiers were asked their opinions on a control method - they responded that they’d most prefer a console joypad. I can’t entirely remember which particular brand but i believe it was a dual shock pad.
It makes sense because it’s a control medium that they’re very familiar with. Both from experiences before joining the forces, and their barracks/backhome game time. Aiming a missile remotely with a video monitor? Sure! I’ve done that loads of times on my Xbox.
You can see from the screengrab that this is exactly what i observed being used by the military. Specifically it’s a wired Xbox 360 controller.
It’s being used to control an iRobot FCS SUGV. The SUGV is a reconnaissance robot, which is controlled remotely by a soldier (with a joypad, apparently) and used to explore and investigate locations that may be unsafe for the soldier and his group to enter. It’s a tracked vehicle with a camera platform that can be raised and lowered.
I wonder if they’ll still be using the 360 pad when it’s deployed in the field, or if it was simply being used as an early test. Although it’s a superb controller, i’d hardly call it rugged.
In the same episode they cover a vehicle called the Crusher which is an all terrain vehicle (for want of a stronger term). It too is controlled by a remote soldier, and also uses hardware familiar to the gamer.
A steering wheel, complete with pedals. Now that may well be a piece of bespoke hardware, i’m not familiar with steering wheel controllers, but the size and colour scheme say video game peripheral to me.
I can imagine that it’s difficult for the average Joe to wrap his head around controlling something that isn’t there. Using only a tiny screen for display, and relying on controls that always feel like there’s something missing (where’s the rest of the car gone??). But that’s everyday play to a gamer.
We’re used to taking a concept, and applying a physical control to it. Making a skateboarder move his feet by using the motion of a pair of small joysticks, or flying a plane using a few keys on a keyboard. For a gamer the relationship between physical action and desired result is a strong one, so no wonder the military wants us.
Now as soon as they apply the hack-and-slash game mechanic to real warfare, i’m in!
Tags: gamers, military, weapons, xboxMy “return” to blogging has been a long time coming. But the concept has been plaguing my mind lately.
I consider blogs, in part, biographies of the less-than-famous. Written by people who are, generally speaking, out of the public eye. These people aren’t interviewed by journalists or featured in documentaries, so the way for the average Joe to learn about them is simply to read their own words. Read their blog.
One of the hard parts about having, lets say “unusual” interests is that it’s difficult to find people who share them with your, or people who are vaguely interested enough to listen when you go on and on about them. The internet makes this considerably easier. No matter what your interest are, you can inevitably find a community focussed on it if you look hard enough. Of course, this is also one of the ever present dangers of the internet, but that’s another story.
Having a blog, i think, is a good excuse to pretend you’ve found similarly focussed individuals. You know that google et al will pick up on the keywords you include, and will increase the flow of relevant traffic in your direction. You hope that this will bring in the like minded people, and you sit back waiting for them to contact you.
The problem is, if you primarily write for a desired (but potentially fictional) demographic, how do you also write for the people you know? The real life inhabitants of meatspace that read your blog because they know your domain name, or because they have your business card, or because they work with you.
As a human, or at least a close approximation, i act differently to the multitude of folks i meet and liaise with. To some people i’m Geeky, to others Weird, some might call me Emotional. Some people consider me a bit of a Joker, but a few people consider me Serious. Some know not that i won’t suffer their crap, but one or two know they can make fun of me without the risk of offence. To some i’m Philosophic, others think i’m simple minded and easily amused. I’ve been called Sociopathic, Relaxed, Aggressive, Cruel, Cold, Warm, Moody, Generous. Some people consider me some kind of Tech Support, to some people i’m their Emotional Tampon and others consider me Artistic. I’ve been called a Mans Man, and i’ve been called a Womaniser. I’ve even been called a lot worse than that!
I don’t know which of these are true and i don’t much care, but what i certainly do care about is the evident truth that people make their own judgements, and formulate their own opinions based on your differing actions.
The way i joke with my friend Shaun for example cannot translate into my friendly banter with Elliott, and vice versa. The effort i put into enunciation around English people is greater than it is around my fellow countrymen, especially those inhabitants of the armpit of Scotland that i call home. These changes in speaking style give me reason to second guess my writing style. Am i being too formal? Too informal? Too niche? Is my use of slang appropriate?
Too many people in my opinion, are guilty of trying to become the latest undiscovered writer. They write as if the world is reading, when the truth is it’s just a few random Googlers and your aunt Sarah. There’s no need to stress over your grammar and print out the blog post so you can proof read it later. The truth is that the people reading want to learn about you, and the person you are. They want to see shadows of you in the words you type.
Which brings me to my real concern. If everyone sees a different part of me, which parts to i let spill out onto my blog? Do i type this so Shaun appreciates it? Add some discussion about exciting death techniques or tell that i want to drill a small hole in his skull, tie a starving woodpecker to his nose and watch as it feasts on his living brain? Well i could do that, but the truth is that Shaun probably didn’t get much past the first paragraph, it’s not like i’m writing about southpaw video game controls or anything.
I know other people read my posts, i can tell because it taints our conversations. But they don’t comment. So should i write specifically for people whose only evidence of readership comes from Google Analytics and the scattered hint in conversation. Should i flavour my blog entries with things they’ll find familiar and comfortable? Perhaps i should leave them out of it entirely. Should my tone and attitude differ from post to post, suiting the subject matter?
It’s hard to formulate an opinion, and it’s somewhat scary to consider that friends of mine may find my writing unfamiliar, but on the other hand people that don’t know me may get a better impression of who i am.
Where’s the middle ground?
Tags: blogging, me, personalityFirst off, apologies for the badly written entry a previous to this one. I was barely conscious at the time, just eager to get it written so i could play some more. I figured it was necessary in case my observations had merit. Apparently this time i was wrong.
Ah well.
Yesterday i completed Bioshock - so my blog goes back to regularly scheduled programming. I’m not sure what game i’ll play next, but i doubt it’ll captivate me as much. We’ll get back to that in a while.
You’re wondering why i’ve referred to the ending of Bioshock as “sick”, well i’m not referring to the games ending.. i’m referring to the pathetic state i’ve been in for the last couple of days. I took a one way train to Phlegmsville, and they made me the mayor.
The nice thing about taking some sick time was that i got some stuff done. I built a new bed (which will hopefully help with my aching back), completed Bioshock, tidied up, cooked, and watched some movies/tv shows i had been saving.
The bad thing about taking sick time is that it’s even more quiet boring moments to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. I think the worst part of having a cold is tearing your nose to pieces with all the tissues you go through. That, and everything seems to aggravate you more than usual.
There was a period of time not too long ago where my health was constantly on the rocks. Every time someone i knew caught something i was guaranteed to get it. I ended up taking loads of time off work because of it, and just generally felt like crap. So i did some research into immune system problems. As well as switching my diet around (which i’ve been doing quite a lot of this year) i decided to cut out caffeine and cut out sugar. I also decided to drink a cup of Rooibos tea with lemon every morning. The difference was quite evident, i didn’t get sick at all.
But, there was a problem. See.. i love coffee, and i need caffeine. Sure i could handle not having it, but it didn’t mean i wasn’t depressed when i thought about my plight. To make it harder, people at work started drinking more and more. I didn’t mind so much when they would nip down to McDonalds and buy a cup of their coffee imitation drinks, but after a while they came back to the cafetiere and better than usual coffee. It didn’t take long before i broke. Ordered some fresh grounds from my favourite supplier. Ordered a bag for home too.. It wasn’t long till i was buying myself a can of Red Bull on Monday mornings.. It wasn’t long till i was giving up on my morning tea. Of course, the first illness i encountered hit home, and now i’m lying in bed blogging about it because i feel hellish - as well as stupid.
Ah well, onto happier things. A couple of days ago i was forced to buy something i’ve wanted to buy for a while, but never really needed to. A couple of 500gig hard drives. The 500gig Seagate Freeagent external drive that i’ve been using as an archive is full now, and it’s about time i got a real media server running in here. So i have my old Windows machine sitting gutted on the floor. I think it’s a 2.4Ghz AMD processor with 768MB of RAM and a couple of 80gig Western Digital drives. The plan is to take everything important off one of the 80gigs, and install Ubuntu on it. Then stick the two 500gigs in there, followed by a third next month. That’ll hold me over for a while.
As i mentioned before, now that i’ve finished bioshock i have nothing else to play. Out of the 13 xbox 360 games i own, there are only 3 i haven’t finished.
Blue Dragon is out now. I downloaded the demo hoping for an exciting new RPG. I was immediately put off by the graphics, and put off even further by the strange dragon combat mechanic. But boredom brought me back to it, and i was a little more patient with it. I guess i could probably enjoy it if i play it from the beginning. I’ll buy it, but i don’t think i’ll buy it for it’s current £39.99 price.
John Woos Stranglehold is out soon. The demo is exciting. It’s like a next gen Max Payne in Japan, which is such a good thing. I can’t imagine it’ll be very captivating (though even if it was, i doubt it could’ve been close to Bioshock of Marvel Ultimate Alliance, so does it really matter?). But it might be fun for a while.
Two Worlds is out now, and i don’t know much about it other than it looks like a cheesy Oblivion clone that belongs on a PC.
It’s tempting to just buy C&C3.
Oh, but i get my CoD4 beta invite on Friday…
Tags: bioshock, caffeine, coffee, game, health, home, linux, mac, rant, server, ubuntu, windows, xbox
